Operation: Lose the Bloat has been a successful endeavor. 9lbs of bloat have been shed in the past three days, and I've got two more morning weigh-ins before I actually have to wear my size 16 dress. It already fits better than it ever has, but there's a bit more progress to be made.

Tonight my husband is drinking whiskey, and it's REALLY HARD not to also have my own beverage. Grumble.


I'm taking this bloat-loss thing pretty seriously. Today I went for a run, intending to keep at it for at least 30 minutes. I kept my pace slow and steady, and after 14 laps (two miles), I decided to just keep going. After 21 laps I was pretty tired, but at that point my brain had latched onto the idea that it'd be pretty cool to run for four miles instead of just three.

And so, even though it took me an hour and nine minutes, I successfully jogged for four miles. That's my longest distance yet.

This Friday marks the one year anniversary of this blog and my weight-loss efforts. On average I've really only lost about four pounds a month, but that's okay. Weight loss is weight loss.


My younger sister's wedding is this coming Saturday, and I've acquired quite a bit of bloat from the last week or so. Damn you, delicious hard cider. In any case, my dress is a size 16 and was already a bit tight before the bloat. Therefore, this will be the week of OPERATION: LOSE THE BLOAT.

Today I ran as a warm up and then lifted weights. The overhead press still sucks, and I'm still working with just the bar. I squatted with 55lbs, and deadlifted 115lbs. I tried out my new fancy weight-lifting gloves, which will hopefully prevent my hands from becoming rough and calloused.

Tomorrow: lose more bloat.

Mini goal: Fit into dress on Saturday.

Slightly more longterm goal: Weigh under 228 or less by the time I go to Vermont (July 11th).


My husband is really into weight-lifting. It hasn't always been this way, but now he spends about an hour or so in the garage every morning, lifting and squatting and whatnot. And since he's seen pretty noticeable physical benefits from lifting, he's been pushing for me to try it as well.

I resisted for a good long while, citing the following:
1. Lifting sounds hard.
2. The garage is full of scary spiders that are bigger than my face, and I don't want a spooky spider to attack me whilst holding a million-pound barbell. That shit just sounds dangerous.

But last week, with the advent of summer, I decided to try something new. Husband made up a workout full of instructions and videos to watch, and I gave it a go.

The first attempt did not go well, with me feeling unable to do anything properly. I took a pity-party break in which I sat in the garden and cried. The pity-party then turned into an anger parade, in which I moved things around near the weight rack and cursed loudly. And then, because I was not willing to be a complete failure, I gave it one more good college try and actually got through the full workout. Sort of.

Workout A is comprised of squats, "yates" rows, and bench presses. The squats are really what did me in, as I felt I was going to either fall over or do bad things to all my muscles. Or both. I used only the empty bar for the squats, but was able to add 10 total pounds to the bench press and 20 total pounds to the rows.

Today I attempted Workout B, which was a bit less frustrating. Workout B entails more squats, overhead presses, and deadlifts. The overhead presses made me feel like a puny little child, as I was barely able to press the empty bar. Ah well.

So this summer, between running and drinking all the tequila, I will also try this weightlifting thing. Maybe it'll stick and I'll like it. Maybe I won't. At least I'm trying.


The "I'm Gonna Do This For REAL This Time!" Post, Summer '13 Edition

So the last month of school was a complete diet and exercise failure. When the kids are bad, everyones' nerves are shot, and the weather is warm, it is impossible not to drink after work. IMPOSSIBLE.

So I drank all the tequila, and the ciders, and then some beer. I ate food that definitely wasn't paleo, and certainly wasn't calorie-friendly.

And as a result, I've lost no weight since prior to Jamaica. I'm still hovering around 235, which isn't terrible, but isn't where I wanted to be by this point in the year.

In any case, summer is now officially here (and has been, as of yesterday). And since there are no more work-related excuses, I have PLENTY of time to exercise. Yesterday, I gardened (more like earth moving, since most of my time has been spent shoveling and moving soil) for an hour and ran for 40 minutes. Today, being worn out from yesterday, I ran for 22 minutes and gardened/earth-moved for 45 minutes.

Yesterday, as I was determined to avoid additional bug bites (see: my dog has a flea problem and so do I), I decided to spray myself down with 23% deet before my run in our woods. After very skillfully and professionally spraying my lower half, I accidentally sprayed myself directly in my left eye. There was a lot of swearing, followed by a lot of spitting because some got in my mouth whilst swearing. Long story short, my run was delayed by 15 minutes or so because my eye needed flushing.

It was a great start to what I'm sure will be a successful summer of awkward fitness.


Remember how Jamaica was the most motivating reward ever? Remember how I was concerned that my life post-Jamaica would lack motivation?


Honestly, I've kept up with the working out. It's the eating that seems to be the biggest problem. Jamaica was such a crazy jumble of five lunches a day that I forgot that my stomach doesn't really need all the food that it wants.

So blerg. This is hard again and I REALLY want to keep going with the weight loss. There are summer weddings to look forward to, and babies to have, and such. And I just want to be thinner, PLEASE? PLEASE appetite?

Me vs. dessert. The story of my life.


Back to Reality.

Vacation was amazing.

Best beach ever.
Every day was spent on the beach, under a tree or a shade triangle, reading, drinking, relaxing, and dozing. When we got too hot, we'd get in the ocean. When we got tired of swimming, we'd head back to our shade triangle. 

I miss you, shade triangle.

The food, overall, was very very good. As such, gluttonous habits from a former life returned. There was a dessert buffet that was pretty much the source of my undoing. So much creme brule. 

And now we're home, and I'm glad to be here. Because that much food and drink every single day was taking its toll on my poor self. 

I stepped on the scale this morning. It was terrifying and I'm not going to tell you how much I gained. It's less than 20lbs, but not by much. A good portion is definitely a combination of water weight, combined with the fact that I was taking less Metformin while there. 

Still. Yikes.

So, back to reality. Back to running and calorie counting. And now I get to pick a new reward to work for, which is an exciting prospect. 

My next reward will definitely not include so many available creme brules. 


Well, I've reached my final weigh day before Jamaica. While I fell just short of my big 50lb goal, I was still pleased to see the scale read 233.4 this morning. So, that's a grand total of 47.6lbs since late June. 57.6 since last December.

It definitely hasn't been easy, but I'm so freaking glad I started when I did.

Vacation goal: Don't gain more than 10lbs. Our resort has an excellent fitness center with a lap pool, but I'm not making any promises. Pina Coladas come first.



Ups and a Down

Down: I pulled some sort of muscle behind my left knee. The pain wasn't ever severe, really, but it made running very uncomfortable. As such, my "let's run every single day until Jamaica!" plan didn't really work out.

Up: It's okay! I lost weight anyway! I'm down two more pounds since I last weighed in. At this point, I'm convinced that the lack of fruit (and other sugary things like honey) is actually speeding up weight loss. After Jamaica, though, I don't think I'll completely restrict myself like I am now. I miss pineapple. 

Also up: My mom took me shopping and I bought shorts. WHAT!?

I know. I'm all like, why should I be ashamed of my legs? They're just legs. I do have a sploosh knee, and I do need to do something about a couple creepy veins (ewww old fat lady symptoms ewww), but other than that...

And I also bought skinny jeans, which are cute. And a maxi dress that is really pretty. 

Long story short, I have purchased more than enough clothes for this trip. I think I'm finally done. Probably.

One week, yo. A week from right now we will be in Jamaica. 


I never weigh myself on Mondays. Usually the weekend is full of gluttony and sloth, and therefore does not lead to desired scale-related results.

But! This weekend I was really good. And this morning, in honor of a surprise snow (ice) day, I decided to step on the scale.

And it said 239.2! Which means I've now lost 41lbs, and it's time for new progress pictures! Huzzah!

I'm still only 2/5ths of the way towards my magical, probably never gonna happen goal of 180lbs. But whatevs. I'm feeling proud this morning. I'll ride this good feeling for as long as it lasts. 

12 more days until Jamaica. 


Losing more inches:

Chest: Original = 47" Newest = 42"
Waist: Original = 42" Newest = 38"
Hips: Original = 54.25" Newest = 50"
Right Thigh: Orignal = 34" Newest = 30.5"
Left Thigh: Original = 34" Newest = 30.5"
Right Bicep: Original = 17" Newest = 15"
Left Bicep: Original = 17" Newest = 15.5"

Total Inches Lost: 23.75

Hooray for taking up less space!


So, I may have been a bit ambitious in my last post. No alcohol until break has been translated to mean only alcohol on Fridays, because the work week is hard and because I'm only human.

And cutting out carbs completely just cannot happen. I'm still doing the no fruit thing, but I don't think I can go lower carb than that. Again, I'm only human. My diet is restrictive enough as is. 

I'm still going to try and exercise each and every day. I'm adding faster speeds at more frequent intervals during my runs, which makes everything feel difficult. Oh well. 

While I'm excited to go, I wish I had a bit more time. I'm worried that, when the trip is over, I'll be depressed without such an extravagant reward on the horizon. Blerf. 


Last Friday I was PMSy and ate some totally non-paleo desserts after school with my coworkers. Then, I came home and ran a 5k. And after running said 5k, I ate a bajillion calories of Indian food.

It all evens out, right?

This week included a fever on Monday, less of a fever on Tuesday, and a recuperation day on Wednesday. I googled it, and the internet told me to lay off of exercising whilst feverish. So, today was my first day back on the treadmill. I wanted to go for 40 minutes, but I crapped out after 30. Running is hard.

I'm trying to come up with ways to maximize my weight loss in these last two weeks before Jamaica. I really really really really want to see the 230s on the scale before I go, and I'm worried this particular menstrual cycle made me gain back a crap-ton of weight. Stupid body.

So far, my ideas are:
1. Work out every day for at least 30 minutes
2. Continue to avoid fruit (except when I can't handle it and I sneak grapes in the kitchen like some sort of addict)
3. Stop drinking entirely
4. Cut carbs entirely

As you can imagine, #3 is the absolute hardest of the bunch. I'm cool with the rest, but I don't know if I can handle a week without having a drink (or a dozen) on the weekends. Tequila is my very good friend.

We'll see. Two more weeks. I can go two weeks without booze, right?


Nevermind what I said about more accurate phone tracking. I've kept my phone on my hip for my last two runs, and it's right back to saying I'm plodding along at a ridiculously slow pace. I know I'm not, dammit. I can't wait to get back outside so the GPS can set this silly program straight.

I attempted interval training today. Regular pace for five minutes followed by one minute of going as fast as I possibly can. Repeat for 30 minutes total. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, and it honestly made the 30 minutes seem to pass faster.

I'm entering the time of month when I'm not supposed to weigh myself due to pre-period water retention. So, I'm not sure I'll be able to tell whether or not this no fruit thing is actually working. Blerf.

I'm in a bad mood today. I thought running would help. Now I'm just in a bad mood and my hair is wet because I had to shower. Damn you, fitness.


I've complained before that iSmoothRun doesn't accurately track my speed/distance while on the treadmill. As it turns out, I was probably just not putting my phone in the right place.

Pro tip: Don't put your phone in your sports bra if you want it to accurately track treadmill running.

When properly placed in a pocket and/or near the legs, my phone now tells me that I'm running my fastest mile yet (13:38). I KNEW I was going faster. I KNEW it!

My phone has also confirmed the fact that the speed calibration is waaaaaay off on my treadmill. My fastest setting that I can go for any length of time is 2.2 mph (according to the treadmill). According to my iSmoothRun, 2.2 mph is more like 4.35 in reality. I KNEW it.

Also, who runs at 2.2mph? You cannot run at that pace.

I weighed in yesterday, and saw an even 2lb loss. Since this is just slightly above average for the month, I'm going to keep the "no fruit" thing going for one more week. It's not so hard, honestly, now that the pineapple cravings have receded.

Starting weight: 281 and change.
Current weight: 242.6

A month from this very moment, I will be on a plane to Jamaica.


I'm looking forward to warmer weather. I miss running outside. I miss getting an accurate read on distance. I do not miss spiders across the trail, or the occasional surprise snake. 

Also Jake broke the safety rake. How on Earth will I be safe from the spooky spiders now??

I'm definitely used to the treadmill at this point. Still, running for any length of time longer than about 20 minutes is really soul-sucking. So, in the name of increasing the difficulty of my workouts, I've been running faster instead of longer. I've bumped up a couple notches in the past week, and completed my run today on my fastest setting yet. 

Tomorrow is another weigh day. We'll see if this fruit avoidance has been worth it. 


I'm not eating fruit this week.

Don't get me wrong, I love fruit. But I've read a few things recently about how those with serious metabolic issues (i.e. me) can lose weight faster by only eating meats and veggies.

So this week, that's what I'm doing. I'll weigh myself on Friday. If I see any significantly improved loss, I'll probably try to keep this up until Jamaica. If not, it's back to clementines I go.

I really miss my morning fruit and spinach smoothie. Spinach with one egg and one slice of bacon is just not the same.

In positive news, I bought some pretty dresses from Macy's and they all look really nice. Our resort has two "fine dining" restaurants at which dresses are required. I can't wait to fancy myself up whilst showing entirely too much cleavage.



Which means I've lost 5lbs so far this month, which isn't terrible. It DOES pretty much mean I won't be hitting my 231 goal by Jamaica, but I've got to be okay with that.

I still think the Metformin is probably speeding loss up just a tiny bit. Instead of losing 1lb a week, I now seem to be averaging 1.5 to 2 per week. Every little bit helps.

3 more pounds and I get to take a new progress picture. Exciting!


I'm always this focused whilst squatting. 
Awkward classroom story:

When my students are sleepy, nothing wakes them up like a five-minute workout. Yesterday morning, after two minutes of jogging in place (which some kids could not do*), we started a set of ten squats. After squat number six, someone farted. LOUDLY.

The culprit looked terrified, but since all the kids were facing me, I quickly said "Toots happen. Back at it!"

And back at it they were. Even though it smelled reaaaaalllyyyy bad.

I have some sort of pulled muscle or something in my lower back. It's above the butt, below the waist. I REALLY do not want an injury right now.

Or ever, I guess.

Working out is just now starting to feel more like a habit, less like a chore. I want to keep it that way.

I worked out today:
And every other day (except yesterday) for the past week and a half.
I'm not going to track workouts like this anymore.

*Seriously, kids. This is sad. I've always been a chub, but I still knew how to be mildly athletic as a child. GO OUTSIDE AND MOVE.


I have worked out every day for the past five days. I'm incredibly motivated by vacation right now. I want so badly to see 231 before I step on that plane.

I'm scared about my weigh-in this Friday. I've worked really hard recently, and I'd like to see some great results. I just need to remember that five days in a row of exercise is not just an effort to get thinner. I'm also getting healthier, which is happening despite what the scale says.

I read through the archives of this blog this past weekend. I'm proud of my accomplishments thus far. I'm proud that I've actually done something to change my situation. I spent a good portion of my twenties sitting around, wishing I was thinner and eating sixty million double cheeseburgers. No more, I say!

39 days.


6 weeks left. 42 days. That's not a lot of time.

I had a bad week, food-wise. Work was stressful and I was losing a bajillion ounces of blood each day, so on Wednesday night I had Mexican takeout (not paleo) and on Thursday night I had a steak hoagie and fries (REALLY not paleo).

I am filled with regret and delicious calories.

So I've worked out every day for the last three days to try and make up for all this splurging. And I will be continuing my "don't drink on Sunday" rule, even though it's a three-day weekend and today definitely doesn't *feel* like Sunday.

Blerf. I want to lose all the pounds.

No weigh-ins until this coming Friday. I'm hoping for 246 or less. Fingers crossed.


I worked damn hard this week. I worked out on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and today. I made sure to stay well under my calorie goals (I'm currently 1,200 calories under for the week). If you'll recall, I even gave up alcohol on Sunday to speed the weight loss prior to vacay.

So yesterday morning, when I stepped on the scale and saw the same number as the week prior, I was very very sad. I expected at least 247, but it was still stuck on 249. I pouted the whole morning.

And THEN I realized that perhaps the Metformin was actually doing its intended job, and I was scheduled to start my period soon. I had cried when reading poetry to my class the day before... that doesn't usually happen.

So I used the Seventeen Magazine Period Calculator, because apparently in my 28 years on earth I never figured out how to tell when my period would happen next. Also I got some cute fashion tips from the guys of One Direction.

After a brief bit of research, I learned that women actively trying to lose weight shouldn't weigh themselves 5-10 days before the start of their next period. Water retention is a bitch, apparently, and can inflate the scale by up to 7lbs.

So, since my scale stayed the same, I'm still doing well. Crisis averted. End of pity party.


With 52 days until Jamaica, it is time to start seriously thinking about how many dozens of sundresses I'll need to purchase for the beach. One sundress a day might seem like enough, but when you factor in impromptu trips into the ocean and the occasional spilled Pina Colada, you realize it's really more prudent to plan for four or five wardrobe changes per day.

I'm at a tricky point for clothes-buying. Ideally, I'll continue to lose weight up until the day I leave. Therefore, something fitted that looks good now may look less good in eight weeks. I'll probably hold off purchasing anything major until a week or two before the trip.

That being said, I bought this bathing suit. The bathing suit I wore last time is too big. Blam!
Polka-dots are slimming, right? Right?
I worked out today. I'm upping my run time to 25+ minutes per session, but damn if it doesn't take it out of me. I don't know exactly what makes treadmill running harder than trail running, but it's definitely more of a workout.

My new guilty-pleasure workout music is Skrillex. Gross, right? I'm such a teen.


The initial metformin-induced spike in weight loss has slowed, as expected. It's okay. As long as the scale still continues to drop, I'll be happy. 

I've now lost 31.6lbs since starting this blog in June. If you start counting when I began eating paleo, I've lost just over 40lbs. This progress has been slow, but it's still progress. 

I really, really, really want to get down to 231 before Jamaica. I'll need to lose a bit more than 2lbs per week, so I'm not sure if it's possible. I still want it. 8 more weeks to try. 

My workout schedule has been a pretty consistant rotation between running on the treadmill and doing calisthenics. I'm looking forward to spring; I miss running outdoors. Anyway, I'm obviously not going to be blogging with every single workout anymore. I'm too busy, and exercising doesn't need to feel any more like a chore than it already does. 

Starting weight: 281
Current weight: 249.4
Short-term goal: 231


Awkward personal backstory:

Last January, I decided to stop taking birth control. Not that I was looking to get pregnant at the time, but I figured it'd be a good time to stop putting any extra chemicals in my body (this was right around the MS diagnosis and all that craziness).

Since then, my period has been completely out of whack. Some months it's early, most months it's late. When it's late, I freak out and take pregnancy tests, which are inevitably both a relief and a disappointment when they come out negative.

Pregnancy tests are expensive. Hello, affordable fifty-pack: http://www.amazon.com/Wondfo-Pregnancy-Test-Strips-50-count/dp/B004AOMAOG

IN ANY CASE, it got to the point where I was going two months without a period. Not okay. After a few uncomfortably invasive ultrasounds at the gyno, it was determined that I have PCOS. Maybe.

PCOS, if you haven't googled it, can lead to irregular periods. It can ALSO cause women to have serious difficulty losing weight. And as such, I was put on a medicine called Metformin. It's a diabeetus drug that also regulates hormones, or something.

For some women, Metformin greatly improves success with diet and exercise. Since I've been really struggling with getting the scale to budge the last few months, I started the pill with cautious optimism.

Firstly, it has killed my appetite. Whereas before it was difficult to meet my 1800 per day calorie goals, I've now seen several days in the past week where I've been sub-1500.

Second, I *felt* thinner this week, and stepped on the scale on Friday after weighing in on Tuesday. I had to reset the scale twice just to make sure what I was seeing as true. Four pounds lost in three days. Four pounds. Three days.

I KNOW it can't be that easy. But holy hell I want it to be.

I've worked out several times since I last blogged. I've been really good about sticking to a minimum of three workouts per week. I just can't always find the energy to tell you about it.

I worked out today:
2 minute fast run warmup
23 minutes calisthenics


This holiday break contained nowhere near the amount of fitness that I would have hoped. It has, however, contained many, many calories. I've still faithfully tracked what I've eaten. LoseIt does nothing to deter my intake of all the tequila, apparently. Here's last week:
Oh God! The calories!
So anyway, that'll need to stop soon.

I've worked out a few times over break. I calisthenic-ed twice, and ran once, and did random housecleaning and the like. I should have done more. I am filled with regret and calories. Delicious calories.